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 It's a Satory

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Regretsz
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Join date : 2011-07-28

PostSubject: It's a Satory   Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:16 pm

Chapter 1. Dear Journal, our start.

Time, is something that we wished we had. But, we don’t really have much. I can feel the emotions and the fear of my friends by me, as we venture towards fate. Although, we do know that this is something we must do, but our own fear is the fear of ourselves. I hope nothing really happens to us at the end. But, I will tell you our story.
Back then, when we were kids, we usually do what kids usually do. Have fun, hang out, go places. All of this, but what turned me around, is after seeing something unnatural as a kid. My name is Twilight, although it’s more of a code name, but it’s there to cover for our names. I and six others have witnessed this unnatural event. Ever since that day, it scarred our lives forever. What we saw, were ghosts stuck in a reenactment of a mass murder. As the seven us of watched it, the ghosts saw us and started to chase us. We sure did run real fast. If we had not ran, we could’ve of been trapped there for a while.
After being chased by spirits, we stopped by a spiritual place to protect us and calm us down for a while. Since that, we vowed not to even leek any information of what we saw. Even if life depended on it, we will not talk about it to anyone else except for our little group. Little did we know that, after seeing those spirits, we started seeing more and more of them around town. So, we all came back to the spiritual place and decided to do something about it.
After research and research, and years gone by, we’d figured that there’s not really anything about how to send spirits to the next world. By this time now, we had already completed high school. Supposedly we’re in college but we all left college. We all planned to meet up at the old spiritual place again, as usual. Then one day, before the meeting, my parents had told me about my fate. It was an inescapable fate, one that is a must do. They told me that my existence was, to quell this world of spirits gone evil. I already knew that, of course, just I haven’t told them yet.
As we all gathered at the meeting spot again, we all chose to go with a code name. All of our names are: Twilight, Guidance, Truth, Trust, Perseverance, Final, and Sincerity. We all chose these code names ourselves, and for some reason, it seems fated that we chose them. And so, we talked about what we were going to do and where we were going. We planned on going around the world, seeking the truth. Though we didn’t have anyone to sponsor us for this trip, but we still went on the trip.
These days seemed long, the more we walked, the more exhausted we were. I guess we were just drained out of fluids, and needed water. But, as things goes by we just kept going.
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awilda
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Join date : 2011-09-08
Age : 27
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PostSubject: Re: It's a Satory   Fri Sep 09, 2011 11:25 am

There are a lot of mistakes in your writing :/
Time, is something that we wished we had. But, we don’t really have much.
Time, is something that we wished we had, but we don’t really have much.

I can feel the emotions and the fear of my friends by me, as we venture towards fate.As a reader, "emotions" needs to be further explained. I think the sentence would be better if you said, "I can feel the fear in my colleagues as we venture towards our fate."

I hope nothing really happens to us at the end. But, I will tell you our story.

That is one example a change of timeline-- you got many of them.

D: i stopped reading after, " My name is Twilight,"


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awilda
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PostSubject: Re: It's a Satory   Fri Sep 09, 2011 11:29 am

the title is wrong too.. Do you mean, "It's a story"?
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